If you’re a “stewer” like me, then you’ll understand how many hours and days get spent on reflecting on the past and how things could be different or how you could have done things differently, and the “Only ifs” may swim across your mind quite frequently. I’m also a very sentimental person, something I have been working on as I try to lead a more minimal life, in my aim to #consciouslylivelife. And if you’re anything like me, and even if you’re not, this post is still for you, and this is me telling you and me, don’t give up on YOU!
You may have seen this saying doing the rounds recently and it really hits a few cords with me. And here’s why.
After school, I went off to study, but due to financial reasons couldn’t continue, and finding my academic results today, some of which were dismal…yes I failed 1st year Chemistry. I didn’t take it in High School and thought I was invincible in 1st year at Uni (read: I was young and naive and stupid) and it was this failure that gave me a reality check and lead me to getting a Certificate of Merit in Biology the very next Semester…But my dreams of being an Environmentalist were not to be. And that’s okay. Because, well, life had other plans I suppose.
But now starting a new degree 10 years later (read more about that here), all those feelings of not succeeding come rushing back and I have this HUGE fear of failing.
To the point where I don’t even want to try, because then at least if I didn’t try, I technically didn’t fail (yeah that’s my screwed up thinking for you). I have a few assignments I need to get in by next Friday and I am really battling to get them done. The Multiple choice style one are fine, it’s the essay writing ones that have me questioning my abilities, my worth, my skills, my experience, my knowledge. And of part of it is just pure procrastination but most of it, most of it is me giving up on me. My husband is amazing and always tells me I am doing great, but I don’t feel worthy of his praise, as I want to better than just average. As an older student I don’t want to just settle for passing like I once used to. I want to excel, but I’m scared. I feel like what if I give it my best, and my best isn’t good enough? And I have to keep reminding myself, don’t give up…
A friend shared this Jay Shetty video with me when I opened up to her about how I was feeling and it has really motivated me to keep going.
To not give up on myself. To believe in myself. To just do the best I can do.
So I’m not going to give up on me. And I’d like to ask you, please don’t give up on you.
Seen on CapeTownInsider